The Fall

I crave the rush of air that will surround my whole body.  The exileration of letting my second foot slip over the ledge, with nothing there to catch me.  The freedom I will be given as I fall towards the earth.  I will be flying.  No worries, no fears, and then nothing. 

I do not know how there can be so much noise when I am alone.  My mind constantly screaming, "Just shut up! No one likes you! Can't you tell they are just being nice because they pity your sorry ass!" 
I'm confused also as to why I feel completely isolated when I'm surrounded by people.  Am I ever going to fit in?  Or is my life just going to be endless misery, with my only hope being the knowledge that one day it is all going to end. 

I wish we could take a picture of our minds thoughts.  It would make it so much easier to show people how we are feeling rather then to express our thoughts in words.  Most of the time we can't find the words we need to describe how we are feeling.  Hurt?  No, why would I be hurt it's not like we had anything more than the occasional text.  Confused?  Yes, what did I do to make you change your mind.  Lost?  Always, I have no clue where I'm going or what I'm going to do.  Feelings?  Yes, okay maybe I am hurt because I did have some feelings for you but I don't know why when all my friends warned me.  Alone?  Forever and always. 

A weight pushes down on my soul as you fade into the crowd.  The thought of never seeing you again hangs like a storm cloud over my head.  Knowing that it is my fault you are leaving is like a knife to the heart. What is so wrong with me that I had to destroy the only good thing in my life.  Never feeling your touch, your breath on my face as you whisper into my ear, never seeing your smile brighten the room, a cold descends upon my heart just thinking about what I have lost.  No, not what i lost, what I pushed away, forced out of my life due to fear.  What I caused is a fate worse than death, it is a life without love.  A life without feeling. 

Life should be lived.  You shouldn't just sit and watch what goes on around you, that isn't living.  Action is living.  Action is life.

done with all this trying, done with all the crying, going back to my old ways, going back to better days

A pressure behind your eyes,
tears fall as you start to cry,
all this pain from just one goodbye,
but I never could understand why?

Feelings are a weird thing.  They would be the best player at hide-and-go-seek.  One second they are there and the next they are gone, changing from one second to the next.  But in the end when you can never find them and if you really want them, they come back.  Some feelings though are like the people who you played with and you would say you hide first and I will come find you, and then you walk off and leave them.  Some feelings you don't want to be found or come back.  That is something we can't control though and in the end they usually always come back. 

If only we could understand the wind.  One second the wind is calm and serene rustling the leaves, lifting birds so they can soar, and caressing your face with its light touch.  Then without any warning the wind becomes destructive tearing down branches, ripping up plants, and destroying homes of animals and humans.  These changes are very like human emotions, changing without any warning.  That is why I wish we could understand the wind like we can understand other humans.  Then, maybe we could help the wind be just calm and serene.  But maybe we can already understand the wind, what if we just aren't listening?

"To live in a world of dreams, is to live in your mind. Are you having good dreams or nightmares?"

"According to this description of love, love is perfect.  Perfection doesn't exist though.  So, does love exist if love is suppose to be perfect?"

"Boundaries only exist because doubt in ourselves exists.  If we had never doubted ourselves would we be able to touch the stars?" 

"Things in life that we can explain are put into words or art, the things that we can't are expressed in our dreams."

"Fantasies are the minds playground."

I believe this picture pretty much speaks for itself.

"All myths and fairytales have to come from somewhere."

"Life may try and carry us away, but that just means we get to fly."

The last year of highschool is a funny thing.  It is a beginning and an end.  Everyone is excited to see the end of their "young adulthood" and get out into the real world as adults.  But I am not ready.  I want to still live a care-free life where my biggest responsibility is keeping my room clean and my friends happy.  I still want to believe in fairytales and far off magical lands.  I don't want to see the harsh reality of life.  But the time has come where I can no longer live in a fairytale.  I have grown up. 
P.S. it doesn't really matter if I grow up though, I live in my imagination and I'm always going to try and make my life into a fairytale.